“Real World: Denver” cast members (from l-r) Tyrie, Jenn, Brooke and Alex confront a world without alcohol.

– Here’s a a liveblog of this week’s “Real World: Denver” double episode, conveniently tag-teamed by me (John) and Get Real Denver contributor Kathleen St. John:

8:00: Moments from past episodes: Jenn has sex with Alex and doesn’t remember it. Jenn has a drinking problem. Colie has mono. An unrelated ambulance speeds by. Somewhere, a baby cries…

8:01: The morning has brought the roommates — and Jenn’s regret about her budding alcoholism — out of the bedroom. Colie wants a sponge bath from Alex. I want a blindfold.

8:02: Stephen picks up a package in front of the house pertaining to their new job, which will be revealed in the mountains. Two new vehicles await them outside. Let the not-so-subtle product placement begin! But alas, Jenn can’t drive a Jeep stick… and Colie’s not sure she wants to go hiking with her mono. Probably a good call.

8:03: The roommates check out some online snapshots of mountain climbing, assuming that’s what they’ll be doing in the moutains. It’s speculated that Jenn will not take to it so well.

8:04: Sound effects of wolves howling as the roommates go back to (surprise surprise!) Monarck where Jenn’s “friend” John is introduced, a semi-bearded dude that works there. They make out voraciously.

8:05: Davis takes Jenn aside to make sure she’s making the right decision by going home with John, despite her relationship with Jared back home. Davis, his eyebrows slightly raised (it’s hard to tell with his generally stoic expressions) obviously doesn’t approve.

8:06: Brooke’s best quote of the episode: “I would like to not have to deal with hearing Jenn and John boning next to me.” Brooke blames everyone’s ability to get “constant ass” on their drinking. That’s only part of it, my friend. Being a slut (male or female) goes a long way too.

8:07: As Jenn and John bound down the steps the next morning the male roommates laugh and Jenn asserts she “didn’t do anything dirty.” Like cleaning the kitchen?

8:08: Alex says Jenn is “malicious” when she’s drunk. Tyrie agrees: “Jenn is the most defensive person in this house.” Jenn and Alex exchange words as tensions simmer like bacon. Or soup.

Has anyone seen my birth control?

8:13: Jenn berates Alex for bringing up the sex thing: “The bottle spoke for me,” she says, followed by a quadrillion beeped-out swear words.

8:14: Alex talking about Jenn: “Ah, this is gonna suck tomorrow.” He’s shown waking up on a chair on the porch. Jenn decides he’s on her sh** list, what with all the low blows Alex is throwing.

8:15: Tyrie and Alex theorize how long it’s going to take for Jenn to get over the fight, while Colie and Jenn talk about starting their jobs. Everyone jumps in the Jeeps and gets to see the mountains together for the first time (sans a sick Colie). Ah yes, it is a sweet moment.

8:16: Amphitheater Trail begins with a sign about the dangers of mountain lions. Tyrie professes his fears for bears, including Paddington Bear. Because, you know, that motherf****r has the big claws and murderous intent.

8:17: They huff and puff as they climb seemingly aimlessly “in the middle of the mountains,” according to Stephen, who probably doesn’t smoke a pack a day like the rest of the roommates.

8:18: A dude rappels from the top of the cliff and the roommates gasp. He is Mountain Man!

8:22: Brooke decides that being in the mountains is her worst nightmare, although I can think of a few things that are much worse. For example, walking around downtown Denver by herself in the last episode?

8:23: The cast is told their jobs will be for Outward Bound, part of which includes leading displaced teens from Hurricane Katrina around the mountains. Their training (4 days, 5 nights) will occur twice so they get really, really trained.

8:24: They get gift cards to Sports Authority (sob… no longer Gart Sports!) and hear the three rules of not getting kicked out of Outward Bound. Or rather, how to make sure they get paid. No drugs or alcohol, no sex, and no behavior that would jeopardize someone’s safety. I’m sure those issues won’t reappear in later episodes.

8:25: Jenn has a realization that living in the house and getting wasted all the time isn’t the best thing for the friendship dynamic. Camping will no doubt heal all those wounds.

8:26: The roommates return and tell Colie about helping the Katrina kids, which brightens her spirits. Jenn runs into her new friend John on Market Street and they head up the 16th Street Mall, where the girls stop at the Appaloosa Grill. Jenn and Brooke joke over John as “a really great guy.”

8:27: Brooke thinks the hottest thing about John is his tattoos, which — without a closeup — is difficult to verify.

8:28: Alex confronts Jenn in the kitchen while he’s drunk (as is she? maybe? probably?) and she tells the camera later that she wishes she could take it back. The sex that she barely remembers, that is.

8:29: A preview shows the roommates getting their Outward Bound training and… voila, we’re into the second half of this double episode…

Kathleen St. John here, taking over here for Wenzel, who needs to eat some pizza.

Colie (left) and Jenn check out camping equipment at Sports Authority.

8:30: Ah, the first adventure of our seven friends into the wild. This should be interesting.

8:31: The kids are shopping at the Sports Authority for gear, which is made extremely obvious with many establishing shots of the store’s exterior. The logos of the show’s non-sponsors are blurred out, naturally.

8:32: Blah, blah, Brooke’s a big baby … Uh-oh, boys vs. girls and gays, car-wise. Alex says you couldn’t pay him to be in the car with the girls and Davis.

8:33: At last — the Outward Bound instructors, Chris and Raleigh. They look totally Colorado, and have the glacial calm befitting hardcore outdoorspeople. Lovely.

8:34: Tulane grad Colie reveals that having the chance to work with New Orleans kids is wonderful for her. That’s so nice — for her.

8:35: Uh-oh … a ropes course. Tyrie is wearing a sweet little cowboy hat thing to keep the sun off his face. Oh no! The cast has to get up at 6 a.m. to start their day. That’s a bummer after weeks of drunken partying.

8:36: Poor Colie has to take it easy because of the mono. And so she starts whining again about being sick. She must not be that sick if she’s out in the wilderness in an inflatable Quonset-hut thingy.

8:37: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE SICK FOREVER, COLIE. Mono is NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. Jeez. And Brooke is already pouting and being all slow and pathetic about everything.

8:38: Stephen! Good attitude! He admits he’s from the city, but “when in Rome…” Most of the other cast members are taking their dunks into an icy stream with good grace.

8:39: Except Brooke, of course, who is screaming and cursing like she’s having her armpit hairs pulled out one by one. Stephen hopes she doesn’t freak out and start drowning — “I’m not saving her. It’s too cold.”

8:42: Yay, Brooke. You made it. Please stop screaming. Plug your hole with some delicious breakfast.

8:43: Oh, dear. This is just nasty. Brooke is having issues with relieving herself in nature. Girl … welcome to Colorado.

8:44: Good God, now she’s checking her makeup before she starts the ropes course. The show’s editors are doing their best to make Brooke look like a spoiled, selfish basketcase.

8:45: Brooke huffs and puffs her way across a rope to Tyrie’s waiting arms. As a fellow acrophobe, I can relate. It’s too bad that being scared of heights equals lunacy on these “Real World” shows and challenges.

8:46: Not that Brooke isn’t a lunatic. “It’s just not fair that people can do these things and I can’t!” Um, you just did.

“Someone told me there would be a manicure at the top. I see no manicure.”

8:47: The other cast members make it through with little whining. Except Colie who has a little bit of trouble — DESPITE HAVING MONO! Way to overcome.

8:48: “There is no failure, there’s only success … ” Not quite, Chris-Outward-Bound. Plenty of failure out there in the world. Maybe he’s scamming on Brooke? Just kidding.

8:54: Sweet Lord, now we’re doing rock-climbing. I do feel a bit sorry for Brooke. And up Turtle Rock we go.

8:55: More shots of Brooke grimacing. Jenn shoots up the rock easily, apparently.

8:56: Tyrie is scared, but it’s played for laughs instead of serious drama. Perhaps because Tyrie doesn’t take himself quite so seriously?

8:57: And here we go with Brooke again. Yes, we get it, she’s scared. They’re really wringing the drama out of this. “This shows us the Brooke that is set to do what she’s determined to do,” says Colie. Except when it comes to walking around the Ballpark neighborhood trying to get her nails done. Then she’s a quitter.

8:58: Yay, Brooke. She made it. And starts screaming again. Enough with the screaming.

8:59: “Oh my God, so that’s rock climbing! I’m so proud of myself!” We’re proud too, Brooke. Brookety-Brooke-Brooke! It’s the Brooke Show!