“I just don’t feel comfortable in anything other than pink T-shirts.”

8:00: At the outset of this week’s episode, we’re reintroduced to the cast’s Outward Bound jobs via flashbacks, including how Colie cuddled with an employee there named Adam (a big no-no according to their rules) and how Brooke turns into a shrieking banshee when it comes to touching mountain stream water.

8:01: More idyllic shots of Denver’s City Park, which is currently undergoing major re-landscaping. Man, the camera really loves that place for interstitial shots, considering it’s been in nearly every episode. Too bad none of the cast members ever seemed to make it there…

8:02: Brooke, sitting comfortably around the house, compares Outward Bound to torture. Hmmm. John McCain may have something to say about that. Brooke then guesses she might have sprained her ankle and won’t be able to go on the next camping trip, an excuse so transparent it makes the Iraq war look justified.

8:03: A dude named Corey, Colie’s ex-boyfriend, calls her up to touch base. As soon as they get off the phone Colie returns a page from Adam, our Outward Bound friend and logistics coordinator. (Make that soon-to-be-former logistics coordinator). Outward Bound apparently told him he couldn’t talk to Colie anymore.

Side note: Colie’s ex, Corey, was featured in some pictures on our site a few months ago when a fraternity friend of his tipped us off. Of course, he e-mailed us immediately and asked that we take them down, but couldn’t say why. “I’m under some obligations not to write in about any info,” he said in a July 2006 e-mail. Now we know it’s because he signed a Bunim-Murray waiver letting them use his first name and voice on the show during that phone call.

– He told us he didn’t want to be in the entertainment industry or associated with this site, as a future employer might Google him and pass him over because of it. Too late. If you signed a waiver to be on a TV show, you’re already playing by their rules. He threw some legal language at us and indicated we were stalkers for posting his (publicly available) pic. Hey, at least I didn’t use your last name.

Colie talks to Corey, or Adam, or whoever. Does it really matter?

8:04: Colie tells Alex (in another glorious pink shirt… he must have a closet full) about the Outward Bound situation with Adam. Alex seems real interested in the topic as they walk to the Tavern Downtown for some rooftop drinks.

8:05: Unsarcastic note to Colie: Those are sweet sunglasses. Very Saigon. Brooke calls up her psychologist dad to yap about having to go to the doctor. A medical doctor, even.

8:06: Davis graciously drives Brooke to Rose Medical Center, the cast’s favorite place to get well, considering Colie’s previous visit there. Brooke returns with her trophy - an excuse note to get out of Outward Bound. She reads it triumphantly, as if she’s pulled something over on everyone, which of course she has.

8:07-8:10: Sweet, sweet commercials.

8:11: Stephen and Tyrie discuss how little they want to do the Outward Bound thing again. Does anyone smell a theme here?

8:12: Tyrie, the “food manager” for their Outward Bound trip (as Jenn calls him), leads the cast members to Wild Oats on Denver’s Capitol Hill. Finally, those promotional gift cards paid off. Of course, the company wouldn’t confirm they had even given them to the show, since they signed a waiver too. You may recall our post on it from July.

8:13: Colie seems pissed about Brooke’s “injury” as she waddles around the store in high heels and an ankle brace (a new fashion statement for idiots) and Jenn assumes it’s faked. Tyrie calls up Outward Bound’s Raleigh, who can’t have any wheat, sugar or dairy, to see what she wants from the store. As she talks he rolls his eyes and puts the phone on the shelf, then condescendingly finishes the conversation. Later he calls her a bitch while joking about it with the boys. Classy.

“Uh huh, right… uh huh (yawn) right, I see… uh huh.”

8:14: Colie gets on the loudspeaker at the front of the store and calls Tyrie up the register. A $250 tab greets him. Good thing they didn’t have to actually pay for any of it. Back at the house and on the computer, Colie freaks out upon reading that Adam quit Outward Bound, the implication being that it was for her. And lo and behold, Colie’s hair suddenly becomes curly, like in this picture. Then in the next scene it’s straight again. What gives, hair schizophrenia?

8:15: Adam and Colie make a date for Art Fest at Larimer Square. Her first comment upon seeing it: “How ridiculous is this?” I’m sure she would enjoy the Denver Art Museum as well.

8:16: Back at Rock Bottom Brewery on the 16th Street Mall (another favorite location ), the pair discusses how Colie doesn’t have a boyfriend, but she qualifies that she’s also in an open relationship. Huh? Adam looks increasingly sad that he quit his job for this talky, sandpaper-voiced sorority girl.

8:17: Colie is oblivious to the fact that Adam seems to have recoiled from her as he sees her off at 1920 Market St. “My heart feels like doing what my vagina feels like doing,” she says. Shakespeare, really.

8:18: The cast gets up late the next morning, with Colie newly mono-free, and they scramble to get ready. Davis, sporting a nasty cough, like Harvey Fierstein in a smoke chamber, reveals he’s getting sick. Upon arriving in the mountains Davis gets out of the car and immediately throws up. Yikes.

Brooke can tell by the looks on everyone’s faces that they totally believe her.

8:19: Brooke seems unconcerned about her future as the cast meets again with Outward Bound’s Chris, who looks like he’s barely restraining his frustration with these crybabies. Dealing with fake-sick and fake-injured people sucks. Davis coughs like a shotgun, transitioning us into commercials.

8:20-8:24: The relentless ads for “Maui Fever” (sounds like an STD) tell us there’s “a brand new blonde bitch on the beach.” Just what the world needs — another ass-munch with dyed hair on TV every week.

8:25: Chris decides to send the three sickies back to Denver. Brooke says she feels incredibly bad about it. Maybe she shouldn’t lie then, eh? As Davis drives them back to Denver it’s clear that he’s legitimately sick. Stephen, with the fake sore throat, is the real douchebag here.

8:26: Colie: “Brooke has no tolerance for anything. I think it’s complete bullsh** that Brooke takes a total copout and uses her ankle as an excuse.” Stephen’s weak excuse about not wanting to sleep outside also bothers her. But Stephen, “in his heartest of hearts,” says that he knows he’s doing the right thing. “Heartest of hearts.” Where would that body part be, again?

Most people don’t know this shot was done with green screens and CGI.

8:27: We’re treated to a montage of the remaining mountaineer roommates hiking and setting up camp in Colorado’s gorgeous high country. That night in their huge, Cleopatra-style tent Colie and Jenn gossip about what babies the missing cast members are. Agreed.

8:28: Jenn: “Steve has a cold. Whatever. Brooke… I’m sure she put on a great show for the doctor.” She did, actually. It included a sequined tap number, sparklers and a stripper pole.

8:29: Back at the house Brooke fills two huge glasses of Pepsi with vodka and brings them to Stephen in the hot tub. “Getting rid of a virus, you probably shouldn’t be up all night drinking liquor. But I’m not the most rational person.” You don’t say!

Brooke has an even better quote for getting out of Outward Bound: “God works in mysterious ways, and God works for me.” As do lies, honey. And is it just me, or does Stephen look high? Maybe his real reason for coming back to the city was to score some of Colorado’s famous ganja.

8:30: Previews of the next episode include the non-baby roommates hiking and climbing, Tyrie crouching down and hyperventilating in the mountains, and Brooke doing her nails in the courtyard of the house. Distinctions, people.

Brooke nurses her “wounds” with vodka and a hot tub soak.