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Brooke demonstrates her famed “violent porn yawn” technique.
– If the crap passing itself off as “The Real World: Denver” can’t be intelligent or interesting — and by this point we know it can’t — it can at least be trashily entertaining. And boy, did this week’s episode deliver. The roommates are well established in their roles and alliances, so let the fighting to begin. Here’s a blow-by-blow:
8:00: We open with flashbacks to past episodes of Brooke freaking out, Colie talking to her at-home boyfriend Corey, and Alex saying he wants Colie to make up her mind about him. As we all know, these story lines will be exploited in the coming minutes…
8:01: The roommates are back at Rise again. Jeez, that’s two episodes in a row. Could this be the new Monarck? Is bottle service the new jug ‘o Rossi?
8:02: Colie drunkenly barks into Alex’s ear about Corey’s impending visit. You all remember Corey, don’t you? Colie says she knows Corey is coming to Denver just so they can say goodbye forever. Yeah. I saw two dogs saying goodbye forever in the park the other day. I seem to remember Alex and Jenn saying goodbye forever in the first episode too.
8:03: Alex, drunk as hell, seems like he’s starting to get into Colie again. Or at least wanting to get into Colie again, pun intended. Tyrie likes to dance, and back at the house, play-fight with Alex’s wasted ass. Jenn brings out a massive pizza from the fridge. Mmm. Pizza.
“Yeah, it’s definitely tuna. Your breath smells like tuna.”
8:04: Jenn plays mom to Alex, putting him on his bed when he’s too drunk to do it himself. It’s a weird role for her, considering she’s doing it while holding a beer and wearing a black, pseudo-bondage top. Alex is so wasted he falls off the bed after Jenn deposits his useless form there. She returns again, and he implores her not to tell Colie, even though she and Brooke are waiting at the door the whole time.
8:05: Tyrie, looking decidedly less wasted than the rest, says Alex and Colie have gotta cut that sh** out. Almost on cue (with editing, anyway), Alex sneaks into Colie’s room and falls asleep on her boobs. Her dirty pillows, as Carrie’s mom would call them.
8:06: The next morning Alex doesn’t even remember what happened, but Colie assures him there was no funny biznass. Alex wonders if they can sleep in her room like that when Corey’s there. What do you think, genius? He calls her a cuddling spider. Then shots of a spider. Then Colie spins a web and violently eats Alex. Maybe I dreamed that last part.
8:07: Tyrie, chilling in the courtyard the next day, tells Alex not to give in to Colie, the foul two-lipped temptress. At least I think that’s what he said. Maybe it was owl tuliped seamstress. Anyway. “I like the idea of having sex (with her),” Alex says. Dude, you’re into her, just deal with it. Colie and Jenn complain about the laziness of the others as they clean the kitchen. “No one does anything around here,” Jenn says. Brooke gets wicked pissy with Colie when she points out a dirty macaroni and cheese pot Brooke forgot to clean. Brooke calls Colie a f***king bitch. Twice.
“I can’t understand why the dishes can’t just do themselves.”
8:08: Tyrie’s got a good question: “What the hell is going on in this house?” Brooke’s in the confessional telling us Colie’s a bitch. Then Colie’s in the confessional, intercut with Brooke drying and combing her black mane, saying what a psycho Brooke is. Sheesh. Can’t we all just get along?
8:12: Post-commercial and back to Brooke, simmering in the office area. She tells Tyrie — whose role seems to be the listener in this episode — that she doesn’t know how she’s going to get through the next three months. Drink up, honey. Brooke says she thinks Colie is vile, intercut with Colie remarking sarcastically about how clean the house is.
8:13: Jenn says she doesn’t know why Brooke and Colie don’t get along. It must be something in the boxed wine, Jenn. Davis and PJ (hey, he’s still there!) and Stephen are chilling in the kitchen, asking Brooke to tell the story about the dishes again. She obliges, but it sounds slightly indulged from the original (though she has a good point that Colie probably singled her out).
8:14: Brooke can’t fake being nice to Colie anymore. Uh, you weren’t doing that great of a job to begin with. Stephen is sipping on a Subway cup, no doubt fitting nicely with their product placement in the post-Outward Bound episode. Shots of downtown. Somewhere, a baby yawns.
8:15: Brett and Kerry, two friends of Alex’s from Arizona State, arrive unceremoniously. Maybe Alex should take them to Monarck? It’s been far too long long since they went… oh wait, there they are.
See that little thing on the left side, about halfway down? That thing? That’s Colie’s dignity.
8:16: At Monarck, Colie drunkenly tells Brett about her feelings for Alex. The Queen of Slurring, she is. Brett’s like, “He doesn’t want you.” Then they’re on the street getting heckled while Colie tries to explain herself. No luck. It’s hard to talk when your blood alcohol level is 80 times the legal limit. For some reason she then decides to run back to the house, barefoot through LoDo (disgusting!) Back at the house Brett and Kerry are snarfing delicious sandwiches in the background, grossed out by Colie grinding on Alex’s lap.
8:17: Maybe Colie will vomit on Alex’s forehead as she straddles him? No such luck. Colie is by now a complete drunken wreck, talking about what’s going to happen when Corey’s in town. Everyone else leaves the room. For the love of God, take us with you. In a later interview, Alex explains: “My penis’s heart is saying ‘You need to have sex with Colie.’ My penis’s brain is saying no.” Good thing he never gets his metaphors confused.
8:18: Colie wakes up to pick up Corey from the airport, then has a brief moment in the bathroom with Alex. She hops into ye olde Jeep, as shiny as ever, thanks to those handy production assistants constantly washing it. Gotta make yr corporate partners look good, no? Alex, Brett, Davis, PJ and Jenn decide to go to Water World. Except most of them are drinking in the middle of the day, and anyway, they can’t drive stick. Useful people, they are. Jenn asks Brooke if she can possibly do it. BIG mistake.
8:19: Brooke and Jenn almost immediately get into it about the way Jenn talked to her. Jenn’s all, “What???” Alex is all, “Let’s schedule it for another day.” Then — wait for it… wait for it… wait for it… BAM!! Brooke loses it. She screams some insane things, most of which I can’t write here, and most of which involve Jenn being a whore and such. Ah, the preview moment has been fulfilled.
Brooke studies her toenails in the clean, private environs of a LoDo alley.
8:24: Brooke leaves the house to sob in private, heading to the alley behind the building, where the cameras follow (duh). She says she feels like she’s in a house with a bunch of crazy people. Yeah, what’s your point? Alex, Brett and Jenn head to the rooftop patio at Lodo’s.
8:25: Decompression ensues. They talk about how freaky Brooke is, and how they’ve never really seen anything like that. Jenn says Colie’s her girl, but “I do like Brooke a lot.” Really? Did you grow up in an asylum?
8:26: They continue to play pop psychologists and actually get pretty close to the heart of the matter, which is that Brooke takes things entirely too personally and gets too worked up. They raise a toast as we cut to Stephen answering a mildly calmed-down Brooke at the door. Hey Stephen, way to make an appearance in this episode!
8:27: Brooke admits that she basically lost it. Stephen: “I think Brooke blowing up at Colie and Jenn — Nostradamus didn’t need to predict that. Everybody knew it was going to happen.” Brooke: “You should have seen me, I was lurching like an animal.” This is why these roommates need tracking collars, people.
8:28: Colie arrives at the airport, squealing as she hops out and hugs Corey at the pickup area. Mr. Baggy Pants says she looks beautiful, then says he always looks beautiful too. Modesty: It’s everywhere. “It’s been too long” Corey says. They make out upstairs at the house and Colie introduces him to PJ and Davis. Is that an admiring eye Corey’s giving their buff bods?
“Can I get in on a little of that? I’ll buy you a beer.”
8:29: Colie and Corey head to Lodo’s where the other kids are. Alex and Corey exchange some super-uncomfortable glances. Colie, in full view of Corey, starts to get noticeably jealous of Alex and Jenn acting all lovey-dovey. Or just drunk. They head downstairs for more drinks as poor Brett looks on, bored as hell. Or embarrassed. Or both.
8:30: Proving she can one-up the drunkest of them, Colie and Corey make out on the roof while some band plays (anyone know who they are?) then Colie heads downstairs to see what’s going on. And… cut! The next episode’s preview promises more relationship drama and, of course, classy sober behavior.
Colie is such a hater! She needs attention 24/7. Brooke may have problems but at least she does not throw herself at guys. Colie wants Alex and then is all over her “boyfriend” in front of him. Colie just wants to claim Alex so no one else in the house can have him. I’m glad that Jenn and Alex hooked up. Is much more fun watching them go at it than him and Colie. I just wish Brooke would get some action.
Comment by Liza — February 22, 2007 @ 10:12 am
First of all, I would like to say for once Tyrie had something intelligent to say when he told Alex that Colie and he should “cut that sh*t out!” Meaning the constant back and forth does she love him, does he love her. Bravo to you! Anyway…
I want to comment on Jenn and Colie before I get to, dun, dun, dun, Brooke’s meltdown. Poor Colie. She is so desperate for every man’s attention, she has the nerve, yes the nerve, to get upset when a fellow roommate that she proclaims her love for whenever no other man is around, goes makeout city right in front of her face (that would be Alex). Poor girl! I guess Jenn puts it right when she says in the confessional that she can’t cater to whoever Colie might be liking at that very moment. And now for Brooke…
It’s about time that girl broke down! She number 1, doesn’t belong in a house with a bunch of other self-absorbed people and number 2, she had a meltdown, give her a break. It’s not quite the tragedy that it was made out to be. What I found interesting is that when Davis had his drunkened, slurred, n word touting meltdown, 3 people stepped in to comfort him. When Brooke melts down, who steps in? NOONE! Brooke’s mistake has not been her meltdown, it has been in lack of ally making.
~Sara
Comment by Sara Smith — February 22, 2007 @ 2:38 pm
Ummm..HELLO Brooke is turned on by gay guys!!!
Comment by Sid — February 22, 2007 @ 3:14 pm
I think all those girls have problems but I do think Jen is pretty and is the most normal when she is not drunk.
Coli has problems controlling one side of her face and when ever she speaks I need to use caption because I cant understand a thing she says.She always sounds stoned!
I f she thinks that is sexy then she is nuts.
Plus she is just plain ugly and so is Brook she looks like a piglet.
Comment by rach — February 22, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
I love it when Jen keeps on hooking up w/ Alex it’s soooo funny to see Coli’s face when she finds out or catches them.
Comment by Anonymous — February 22, 2007 @ 5:45 pm
Brooke you are one CRAZY and PSYCHO b*t*h!!! You seriously need help with your anger and life issues. You get so worked up over nothing. Grow up!
Colie you just need to chill the heck out!! You are so needy and want attention 24/7. You are such a manipulater and conieving brat!! Get some self esteem.
Comment by Angela — February 22, 2007 @ 6:26 pm
I don’t think Brooke is necessarily turned on by gay guys. I think we all like to flirt with danger, such as trying to get what we can’t have, such as getting an unbelievably hot gay guy. Perhaps she is just trying to see how far she can go with the whole thing. Or she is desperate from some action. You pick.
Comment by Sara Smith — February 23, 2007 @ 9:39 am
this is just random info on stephen…
some friends of mine saw him at a club here in sacramento and said he appears to be a little on the “soft” side…surprise, surprise!
haha…i wonder if i’ll ever run into him somewhere. i’ll let you guys know!
Comment by abs — February 23, 2007 @ 2:03 pm
In regards to the comment left about Stephen, you will have to excuse me for perhaps being naive, but what does it mean that “he appears to be a little on the ’soft’ side?”
Comment by Sara Smith — February 23, 2007 @ 3:51 pm
Is it me or does Brooke look sooooooo stupid in high heels and the wrap around her ankle, it just looks crazy yo know like her. hahahahaha.
Comment by spaceace — February 24, 2007 @ 12:42 am
Seriously- I do not know how anyone can defend Brooke. She is as PSYCHO as they come… she’s a 100% certified nutball. I hope she reads this or at least gets some help after the show. I don’t especially like Jenn or Colie, but Brooke has MAJOR issues. She’s a spoiled, jealous brat & for some reason thinks she’s the cat’s meow. I agree- she does look like a piglet. She can look semi-decent at times, but her rotten personality makes her one ugly b***h. Do yourself a favor and get some serious help!
Comment by Lisa — February 24, 2007 @ 8:12 pm
What’s up with Brooke walking around the house in her underwear all the time? Get dressed already, you whacko!
Comment by Shelby — February 25, 2007 @ 1:21 pm
Brooke is a spoiled bi*** and thinks the world should revolve around her. She is the most annoying person I have ever witnessed and one of the biggest brats too. She says everyone in the house is crazy and shes the only normal one but I am pretty sure she requires professional help. She must have some major psychological problems and be really insecure to act the way she does. Girls like that are some of the only people I can not stand to be around. She needs to grow up. I honestly can’t even watch the show anymore because she makes me so mad and annoyed. I wouldn’t mind if she snapped that “hurt ankle” and just went home.
On another note, collie needs to grow up and get out of 6th grade where girls like 5 different guys and cry when they dont all give her the attention she wants. I litterally wish I had a big ass sister to go and beat the hell out of all the girls in the house. This is the worst real world ever and I’m mad it even is on tv.
Comment by Anonymous — February 26, 2007 @ 1:14 am
colie is too goddamn clingy and naive - needs to stop riding alex’s jock so much(he only wants to split her a$$ like a pinata). brooke is a pretty fun bi*** when she gets angry. jen is a drunken slut-whore (her one true purpose in life methinks?). davis is a pale ale guzzling snitch.
Comment by tripleseis — February 26, 2007 @ 1:35 am
I think Colie is a complete hypocrite. Everyday, she yells at people for things she does too. I hated when she yelled at Brooke, and I felt awful for Brooke, because I’m sure Colie does the same stuff.
Also, Colie’s annoying and a total brat. I’m on Brooke’s side.
Comment by Justin — February 26, 2007 @ 12:42 pm
i totally love this show it’s the bomb, i wish i could so meet these people sometime in my life, i love the drama that goes on because im such a drama queen….well rock hard love,peace,an afro grase
Comment by laci brattin — February 26, 2007 @ 2:03 pm
As I watch the Cram Session episode, I also see Colie complaining about hearing Alex having sex with Stacy. Colie’s completely hypocritical. If it’s bothering you so much, why can’t you just move? She complains about Alex being in her space, but if it’s bothering you, just move. Colie gets on my nerves.
Comment by Justin — February 26, 2007 @ 9:55 pm
Alex is a complete man-whore and a half and SHOULD NOT hook up with anyone in the house or anywhere. He really isnt a good guy for girls and all he does is booze and make out and f**k all over the place. Even his mom knows it!!
Comment by Tat — February 28, 2007 @ 1:41 pm
I think you are “right on” about Colie and Stacy!
Comment by Max Shreck — February 28, 2007 @ 2:15 pm
I find it interesting how now men who act like Alex, who f**k everything is sight despite appearance, now are labeled appropriately. These would be such terms as “slut” and “man-whore.” Let’s call it like we see it!
Comment by Sara Smith — March 1, 2007 @ 9:55 am
at first collie wasnt that annoying but i really cant stand to watch her annymore. She is an anttention craving drunk who slurs all her sentences and is way too clingy. SHe want sto have all her men waiting in line but she is not even that pretty and needs to get over herslef and figure out what she wants
Comment by Anonymous — March 3, 2007 @ 8:58 pm
It really isn’t like Colie is a bad looking person. She has many cute qualities about her but the desperation, clingyness, and completely warped way of thinking is a complete turn off. It does seem that all Alex wants-out of anyone- is sex. The fact that Jenn can have sex with him and not care, or make it weird, is probably why he does it and why she does it. Please Jenn, yes being drunk influences this but you stopped yourself the first time and you didn’t this time. Nonetheless, I totally agree that you shouldn’t feel guilty! Colie is almost disgusting in how she thinks that Alex cares that much for her…do what Tyrie said and give it up woman! I do enjoy seeing Alex hook up with Jenn because you know that Colie is automatically going to say “I hate them both, he is so jealous, but I cant wait for him to get drunk and give me attention again.” So the trip to which ever incredibly beautiful Island they’ll be going to this time is where I see Alex and Colie hooking up the most. I hope that trip doesnt come soon because it seems like these guys just dont work AT ALL.
Comment by .L. — March 8, 2007 @ 12:58 am
i like the episode of the “realworld roadrules the duel” when C.T went against brad in the “push me” duel C.T said “I GOT THIS YOUR DONE YOUR DONE!!!.It was funny when he said “JUST PUT YOUR RING ON LAYAWAY!!.It was hilarious
Comment by kiere renfroe — March 9, 2007 @ 11:20 am
Tyrie should change his nickname from dark kent to nightwing
Comment by kiere renfroe — March 9, 2007 @ 11:23 am
brooke is freakin psycho I HATE HER! i love jenn shes awesome and colie is just colie.. but i honestly hope brooke does not get any fame or ANYTHING from the real world shes a crazy b**ch
Comment by shay — March 12, 2007 @ 5:17 pm
If Brooke does receive any fame from The Real World, it will be because she is psycho. That’s why reality tv sells. The only reason people tune into The Real World Denver is to see what crazy thing she will do next because other than that, the show is dry.
Comment by kelly — March 13, 2007 @ 12:16 pm
Brooke is a psycho blah, blah, blah. Child molesters are psychos, get your mental illnesses right!!
Comment by Kim — March 30, 2007 @ 5:24 pm
anyhoo I LOVE BROOKE
Comment by Chris — March 30, 2007 @ 5:27 pm