Colie gives Alex a creepy, drunken stare as another guy waits for her to sit on his lap.

– The Cram Session, a recap of the worst/best parts of the current “Real World: Denver” season, preceded this week’s episode, so it seems only right to point out its highlights. And… um… I guess there were none. But at least we got a sneak peek at upcoming shows, in which Brooke freaks out some more, Tyrie gets drunk and screams at his girl Jazalle, Davis has water thrown in his face during at Outward Bound trip, and other such fun.

8:00: This week’s installment is the second part of a two-parter in which we jump back to moments from last week. You know: Brooke loses it, Colie gets confused as to which guy she drunkenly wants, Jenn smooches Alex downstairs at Lodo’s, etc. But now for the new shizz…

8:01: “I don’t know how this is developing or where it’s going,” Jenn says over footage of her makeout session with Alex. Um, I think you know exactly how’s it’s developing (alcohol) and where it’s going (the bedroom.) Alex’s friend Brett still looks bored as sin. Colie stumbles downstairs to the gang and interrupts “lovebirds” Jenn and Alex.

8:02: Colie later says, with more than hint of disgusted, jealous sarcasm, “He’ll make out with anyone he wants to make out with.” You mean like, you? Raise your standards!

8:03: Jenn slowly suckles Alex’s nose, a move that comes off as more than a little pornstar. Alex, full of drunken exuberance, climbs over the fence at the house. He grabs a comforter and goes to make out with Jenn. Colie and her clueless boy Corey come back looking like lame, angry parents, then go to her bedroom and make themselves equally comfortable. Take that, Alex!

8:04: Oh Christ, the show’s editors are having fun with us. They’re intercutting Alex and Jenn throbbing in bed with Colie and Corey. Barf. Tyrie ascends the stairs, rolls his eyes at the sex noises, and finds a relatively placid Brett on the couch, READING A BOOK for once. “I thought me and Alex were on the same page,” Brett complains. Sorry dude. Same chapter, different book.

“All these pages are blank. And yet I just keep reading.”

8:05: Tyrie spouts sage advice about the downward Colie-Alex spiral, and Brett cautions that Alex is taking “a diarrhea dump where he f**kin’ sleeps.” Kinda true, no? Alex, his butt cheeks exposed, jumps out of bed and into the shower with Jenn as Colie simultaneously puts on her bathrobe and wanders into the toilet.

8:06: Jenn make a disclaimer about how she can’t feel bad about Colie’s problems, and really, I agree. Jenn’s just getting what she wants — and what she wants is Alex. If Colie truly wanted Alex she’d just go after him. Interstitial shots of the skate park in Denver’s Platte Valley, then we’re back at Croc’s (these people never leave Market Street) where Brooke, Davis, his boyfriend PJ and Stephen discuss how much better Brooke feels after her freakout. Or rather, Brooke’s discussing it and everyone else is humoring her.

8:07: Stephen brings up the room-swap idea, in which Brooke and Alex would switch. “That’s the problem, no one wants to live with them,” Brooke says of Colie and Jenn. Meanwhile, Colie and Corey walk around downtown and Colie complains that she doesn’t like the people she lives with. Uh, why did you try out for “The Real World”? Corey says of Jenn and Alex: “I don’t see how someone can drink throughout the whole day and still make poor decisions.” Really? Did you graduate from grade school yet?

8:08: “I feel like things are going really well with Corey,” Colie asserts as she and he traipse into Rock Bottom Brewery. They make out in their booth as Corey says, “If I had my way I’d be marrying you.” But he can’t, and won’t.

Corey and Colie discuss the implications of multilateral negotiations in the Iran standoff.

8:09: They share a scintillating conversation, Colie at first acknowledging that Corey doesn’t feel comfortable around Alex. Shocking revelation there. Says Corey: “I’m not going to let go about how I feel about you.” Says Colie: “I’m very confused.” As well you should be, my bobble-headed friend. “All’s fair in love and war,” Colie says just before the commercial break. Way not to invoke a cliché.

8:13: Bucolic time-lapses of the Denver skyline, then the dancing aliens, then Colie and Corey making out, then Brooke and PJ in the bathroom. Brooke finds it disrespectful for Colie to not use the guest bedroom to get her freak on, especially so close to her delicate hearing sensibilities. I guess she’s never watched MTV before.

8:14: “Everybody has seen that I’ve had significant problems with Colie,” says Brooke. “I think she’s rude, I think she’s insensitive and I don’t like how she treats people.” YOU DON’T SAY. Brooke calls her mom and relates the terrible Jenn situation from the last episode, before owning up to the fact that she bottles things up inside and blows up suddenly.

8:15: Oh Brooke. This is the first step in realizing your problems. Her psychologist mom asks her if she tried to talk to the girls “reasonably and rationally.” I think not, considering her terrible freakout. Then again, she did think everyone was pretty immature when she first moved in (see this interview).

8:16: Jenn has a gayboy confessional with Davis and PJ (still in their towels? Ah, the miracles of editing). She chalks up the disagreement with Brooke to “being a girl,” since that’s just “what happens.” Yeah… maybe in the Raiderette locker room, after a coke binge.

8:17: Corey tells Colie, in his bathing suit in the hot tub, that he understands why she’s “out there” and “what she’s doing” (you mean being an exhibitionist?) Colie tells Corey it’s painful for her to see him hook up with other people. Both are terrible, shameless liars. Corey gets back in the Jeep the next morning. Time to go home, my friend. What a productive, dignified visit.

Brooke tries to order a manicure before realizing they don’t actually deliver.

8:18: More dropping off at the airport and making out. Do these mics really need to be this loud? The wet smacking noises are making me ill. Colie, with her insect-eye sunglasses, waves to Corey as he disappears between the doors. But wait! He runs back and kisses her again. How romantic. I hope he remembers that moment while he’s boning another girl three hours later.

8:19: Colie wonders if they’ll stay together after he leaves Denver. Um, you think?

8:24: Jenn’s “friends” show up at the house while Brooke walks downstairs in a cowboy hat, talking about how she’s going to do the electric slide later that night. She’s a crappy dancer. Could she be going to the Grizzly Rose with some of her non-”Real World” friends?

8:25: Jenn seems weirdly forgiving (i.e. drunk, or seemingly on drugs) as she apologizes in the courtyard to Brooke about their blow up (rubbing her chin and nose nervously doesn’t help any). Her “friend” smokes a cigarette in the background, which is painful for me as I just quit smoking. Stop making it look so non-carcinogenic!

8:26: Jenn explains how she gets the “cold shoulder” too sometimes. I’m sure she’s not talking about Alex’s horny ass. Brooke admits: “I’m a weirdo, I understand that. I’m a weird person.” Wow, an honest human statement.

Jenn digs her claws into Brooke’s arm in an attempt to sever an artery.

8:27: Tyrie and Colie talk in the living room about how Tyrie hates the idea of Colie and Alex being together. Colie, predictably, obsesses about how Alex must be jealous of she and Corey. Uh, hey PSYCHO, probably not. Tyrie tells it to her like it is, and for Christ’s sake, I wish this girl would listen.

8:28: Stephen and Alex return with more “friends” (assorted hangers-on), while Colie sequesters Alex in the phone room, drunkenly, to try to have a talk. Alex, annoyed, rejects her outright. Her jealousy is such that she sits on other guys’ laps in the hot tub, then freaks out Alex out by sitting on his lap and giving him the creepy-eye stare.

8:29: Corey calls spouts meaningless platitudes to Colie. “I think about you…” “It f**king” sucks..” BLAH BLAH BLAH. Has anyone on this show heard of physical or emotional discipline?

8:30: Colie pulls at her left eye and says she loves Corey. He reciprocates the sentiment and she starts crying. Corey “sets her free” to be with Alex. Good luck with that.

Next episode preview: Brooke is sexually frustrated, Outward Bound starts to suck as Brooke throws water at Davis’s face. Stephen gets up to break up a bitch fight between Brooke and Davis. Brooke Brooke Brooke!!