Jared tries to pretend he cares about the word-like noises coming from Jenn’s munchkin face.

– We’ve seen some pretty ridiculous crap on this “The Real World: Denver” season, but my jaw dropped open this week. The lengths Jenn and Brooke will go to in creating drama is beyond normal human comprehension, sort of like the vagaries of strig theory. Let’s take a closer look:

– Jenn is talking on the phone to her California boy Jared, who’s hinted at visiting the roommates for a few episodes now. (We also told you about him over the summer when our spies spotted him hanging out around town, trying to look all hard and punk rock. Uh, keep trying dude…)

– Jenn’s walls are covered in pictures of her life back home, including Jared, and we’re shown these photos as she continues to talk with him. Jared reiterates how he’s coming to town, and how he hasn’t slept with anyone since Jenn’s been gone (only kissed a couple people, apparently).

– Meanwhile Davis and Brooke are in the computer room chatting about guys. Namely, how Brooke hasn’t met anyone nice and normal in the Mile High City, or that’s not addicted to drugs (like the boyfriend she had when she was 14. Remember her little intro from the casting tapes?)

– Colie, Brooke and Jenn head across 20th Street to Sushi Mori where they spot two guys and a girl eating in the other room. Brooke decides she’s going to give the cute dudes her number. They chow down while Brooke mulls it over.

– “Going up to some guy and giving him my number is totally not my thing,” she admits. She drops the slip of paper on the guy’s table on her way out and runs off, slightly embarrassed. The guy just seems kind of unimpressed/confused. Maybe it’s the subtle presense of the camera and lighting crew?

– Shots of City Park bleed into 1920 Market Street, where Alex is taking a shower and Colie’s combing her hair. Jenn drops in and warns that Jared doesn’t want to meet Alex, knowing about her previous two hook-ups with him. But since Jared already knows about those (and is visiting Denver anyway), he must also know he’s going to run into Alex sooner or later. So… basically… he’s an idiot.

Alex freezes as Jenn tells him she peed on his favorite pink shirt.

– “I should never have told him,â€? Jenn says. Too late, dumbass. Maybe you should just spill the beans about all the other guys you’ve gotten on. Jared and his friend Alan show up at the front gate and Jenn says she just wants to get the introduction out of the way. Alex, Tyrie and Davis are hanging out in the computer room when Jenn, Jared and Alan walk in.

– The guys have some totally unemotional hand-shaking then leave. They head across the street to the Tavern Downtown where Jared and Jenn are quickly making out (shocking!) Davis and Stephen (plus the ever-present random blonde groupie) sit at their own table and talk about how it’s probably good for Jared to be there.

– Davis runs into Jared on the way to the bathroom and casually tells him that, in fact, Alex and Jenn had sex twice, not once like he thought. In truth, they both sound pretty wary of Jenn when they talk about her, and I don’t blame them. Munchkin face Raiderette is a beeyotch!

– On now to the Celtic Tavern, where Davis tells Alex how good looking he thinks Jared is. Davis then reveals what he told Jared about Alex and Jenn. He also remarks how Jenn never mentioned to Jared her hookups with Darnell and John from previous episodes. Or her nasty munchkin face and idiocy.

– Kyle, “The Sushi Manâ€? from Sushi Mori calls Brooke at the house and they laugh about how weird and awkward Brooke’s pickup attempt was. Kyle agrees to meet her (and the rest of the roommates) at Hush that night for a date. Of course when he gets there the roommates are all dancing and trying hard to look cool. Brooke immediately hugs the guy and starts hanging all over him. Drunk much?

Brooke tells Kyle how much she relishes bowling, and emotional challenges of any kind.

– Kyle takes Brooke outside when he realizes they won’t be able to hear each other inside the club. She’s constantly hugging him, and he seems a bit freaked out. Kind of like when Colie was all over Outward Bound dude? That relationship sure went somewhere.

– Meanwhile, Jared and Jenn are walking back to the house when Jared confronts her. She predictably turns on the waterworks, crying about how it’s her life and she’ll tell him when she wants to. Jesus Christ. It’s hard to listen to his woman talk. At the house she complains to Tyrie about how Davis ratted her out. Davis, of course, is sitting obliviously again at the computer, just like when he was a total dick to the girls in the last episode. Emotional sensitivity rules.

– “This is somebody I’m sharing my life with, somebody who I care about,â€? Jenn complains to Tyrie. Uh, apparently not that much. “Jenn is like Hiroshima right now,â€? Tyrie says. I guess I can see that parallel, if he means after the bomb went off, and there remained a sad, disgusting wreck of humanity.

– “If I had a gun I would shoot him,â€? Jenn says about Davis. That’s a really responsible and well-timed statement, you moron. You’ve now squandered any shred of credibility or humanity you might have had. From now on, you’re officially the stupidest, least sympathetic character on the show. Congrats.

Jenn cries for the 1,478th time that day, breaking a world record.

– OK, maybe ultimately she’s no worse than any other backstabbing roommates, she’s just so much more fake and painful to listen to. And a liar. Don’t forget that! I know you won’t.

– Brooke calls up Kyle the next day and immediately bristles when he suggests going bowling for their second date. She gets off the phone and tells Stephen about it, near tears now.

– “You don’t get it, you’re not a female,â€? she says. Then there’s a perfectly representative shot of Brooke, putting on makeup, crying, saying how she’s extremely upset and stressed. Stephen: “I try not to laugh at her too much but I can’t help it. It’s kind of funny.â€? Scary, sad, pointless, yes.. funny? Maybe that too.

– Davis and his friend Alison (an out of towner?) are walking along the 16th Street Mall and filming while people sort of stop and look at them. The picture below (it’s crappy, I know) was from that day, sent in by a helpful reader.

– Tyrie’s chilling on the Mall too in front of the Denver Pavilions when Davis and Alison stop to chat. They discuss, of course, the looming house explosion with Jenn. Back at the house Jared’s laying in bed with Jenn as she whispers and cries. Give me f***ing break. Is she just constantly drunk or what? Did she take acting lessons from a crapass teacher? WTF?

– Jared heads out to the porch to smoke with Tyrie and what appears to be his friend Alan. Tyrie gives him the lowdown on the Jenn situation, even as Jenn is watching them from inside the house, likely plotting all their deaths. Finally, Jared and his friend leave. Jenn gives Tyrie an evil look and goes back in her room to cry. Boo hoo.

– The next day Jenn calls Jared and decides to come clean with him. Too late! Or is it ever too late to admit you’re a soulless skank? They both decide it’s “time to work on things.” Jenn asks Davis to give her a ride to pick up Jared at his friend’s house. Of course, Davis is hanging out with another friend of his, Lily, wanting to go the Downtown Aquarium. Ah Jenn, always the imposition.

– When they’re alone in the car and talking, Davis realizes Jenn has been taking his sh** talking the wrong way. But doesn’t Davis always sh** talk? Miscommunication leading to drama? You don’t say! After picking up Jared, he and Jenn go to Sonoda’s for grub. Quite the sushi-themed episode, I must say. At least they didn’t bring their overall wrongness to Sushi Sasa (which totally kicks ass and would be soiled in my eyes with a “Real World” appearance).

“Something smells in here… like Idiot mixed with Slut.”

– “Jared’s the best person I’ve ever met in my life, and he took it better than I could have hoped for and better than I could ever expect,” Jenn says. Can we get this girl a harness?

– And then it’s over. So soon? But nothing happened. Just like… every week. We know Brooke will definitely run into Kyle again (we’ve got pics from when they were here last summer), although who knows/cares if it’ll make it on the show? Few, I wager.

– Previews of the next “Real World: Denver” include the Outward Bound experience with the Hurricane Katrina-affected girls, which includes snippets of Brooke freaking out about rappelling. The truth is, if Brooke weren’t on this show I think we all would have stopped watching a long time ago. And that would probably be a good thing.