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Chris shoots imaginary laser beams into Brooke’s mouth, fusing her lips together.
– After last week’s sorta-interesting episode, in which Jenn confesses her full infidelity to Jared and Brooke meets (then quickly freaks out) a normal guy, we’re back to the wilderness. Unfortunately, that’s a locale many viewers find about as exciting as watching paint dry. Are they right? Does 69 x 69 = 4,761? Let’s check the liveblog:
8:00: Flashbacks include everyone’s favorite Outward Bound instructor Chris giving the roommates their summer jobs, and Brooke quickly growing nervous about hers. From previous episodes we all know Brooke’s a nutjob, and the implication is that she’ll lose it again on this episode. Oh goodie…
8:01: Chris, Tyrie and Brooke go to the airport to pick up the Hurricane Katrina girls, whom they’ll be guiding through the mountains. Chris, always the gentle hand, asks them to remain open to the experience and be the person they each want to be when faced with challenges. Does he mean putting up with Brooke? Because if anyone can restrain themselves from the urge to punch her, they’ve conquered a challenge right there.
8:02: They set up camp and later gather round the ole’ electric TV lights while Alex explains their duties, which include rappelling, tying knots and other fun mountain-y stuff. Will they do any better than the Katrina boys? Wait and see.
8:03: Day 2 dawns as Outward Bound’s Lori explains how rappelling is the most dangerous thing the girls will do that day. Predictably, Brooke expresses nervousness. “The last thing I want is to be a problem,” she says. “I want to set a positive example for the girls.” Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Jenn gives Brooke a pep talk as Brooke appears to hold back tears. Which is, you know, a super rare occurence.
8:04: Shots of Alex rappelling down the mountain are interspersed with the Katrina girls diving right in and kicking ass, Brooke biting her lower lip. “How the hell did they get so brave?” she asks. Maybe because they’re not stuck in a weepy, makeup-smeared cage?
8:05: Chris tries to ready Brooke for her turn as she bubbles over with fear. So far, so bad. Brooke lingers, fixating on the height and probably increasing her fear tenfold. Christ… just get it over with.
Chris desperately tries to kick Brooke off the cliff before she can get her harness on.
8:06: If most people had to baby someone like that they’d probably leave them in the woods to die. I understand she’s having a panic attack or whatever, but her selfishness blinds her to everything around her. She claims she “doesn’t want to do this in front of the girls.” Well, then don’t.
8:07: Ah, a Road Rules commercial, showcasing Brooke’s insanely large new boobs. As various people have said on this site’s Shoutbox, she should really sue whoever did that job. It looks terrible/hilarious.
8:11: Ominous time-lapse cloud shots take us back to Brooke crying and talking about her fear of heights, Chris still encouraging her. Eh, just kick her off the side and be done with it.
8:12: Isn’t there a better place to go through pseudo-therapy than the side of a mountain, especially when a bunch of people are waiting on you? Maybe that’s just me. Brooke apologizes again to the girls. “Don’t be like me,” she says. Take that to heart, girls. Seriously.
8:13: Everyone applauds Brooke as she gets, oh, a third of the way down the side of the cliff, triumphant music blaring. I wish I could get that kind of encouragement for doing something everyone else is doing. And doing it badly.
“Wait! You guys! I left my f***ing lipstick up there!”
8:14: Alex and Tyrie give Brooke hugs as she celebrates getting to the bottom. “Oh my god, it’s like a mind trip right now,” she says. “Maybe I should sit down.” Try not to pee yourself.
8:15: Day 3 begins with some breakfast and Chris checking in with Colie. Her mono returning, she decides she needs to go home. She weakly apologizes to the girls, who seem real sad to see her go. Stephen and Brooke break off with Chris to lead the girls to their high camp. The skies darkening, Chris tells them how to deal with lightning, which seems imminent.
8:16: Ashley K., one of the Katrina girls, starts to hyperventilate so Brooke tries to calm her down. The girls don their rain gear and Chris begins to get really concerned about Ashley, who’s still huffing and puffing.
8:17: Chris decides to carry Ashley down the mountain on his back so her breathing can return to normal. Will she survive? Will lightning kill them all?! Wait — watch this crappy Road Rules commercial first! It’s another one with Alex and huge-boobed Brooke outside signature RV, plugging the blooper reel at the end of the episode.
8:22: After the commercial we return to the rainy mountain, the rest of the Katrina girls on edge as Brooke and Stephen try to chill them out. Chris returns and reports that Ashley seemed to get better on the way down the mountain, which is good news.
8:23: Walking behind the rest, Chris lauds Brooke for how she reacted to the situation. And for not peeing or wearing her underwear around the camp.
The crew dons rain gear as Brooke wonders if purple accentuates her double-chin.
8:24: Day 4 opens with Jenn, Tyrie, Alex and Davis (hey, way to make an appearance!) taking the girls on a day climb to Brown’s Peak, elevation 13,523. They seem to summit with no problem, triumphant at the top on a clear, sunny day.
8:25: Ashley K. greets them back at camp, fine again. Hoo-ray!
8:26: On Day 5 they give their tearful goodbyes, Brooke saying, “I thought of Outward Bound as a complete joke and now I have a different attitude. It’s been life-changing.” Right… if all it takes to change your life is not crying when you fall down a rope, bully for you.
8:27: The Katrina girls leave, having totally kicked ass. Even though the editors spent two episodes on the Katrina boys, the girls seemed to have adapted more quickly and tackled the challenges with fewer complaints. Way to go, girls. Chris says what he’s seen has far exceeded his expectations of the roommates, which must have been really, really low. Brooke, starting to cry again, reiterates how it’s completely changed her life. See above.
8:28: Ah, now Jenn’s crying. Again. What a shocker. Tyrie says, “I hope we can take the little bit of cohesiveness we have out here and multiply it when we get back home.” I bet the producers are hoping that doesn’t happen. Chris reveals they’ll find out their annual cast vacation on Tuesday. I don’t want to spoil it, but we knew it months ago.
The roommates either waiving goodbye or experiencing the DT’s.
8:29: They all have their tearful goodbyes with Chris before he turns to the camera and says “Thanks GOD.” Or maybe wishes he could, anyway. And then we’re done.
8:30: Back in the present, big-boobed Brooke and regular-boobed Alex introduce the blooper reel, which is an ultra-brief musical montage of the roommates falling off of things, picking their noses, pantomiming sex for laughs and farting. So basically, real life. Too bad they never insert this stuff into the show to give it some dimension and comic relief.
– My question: Where are all the outtakes in which Jenn accidentally has sex with everything in the kitchen? Twice?
P.S. 69 x 69 does in fact = 4,761.
heh… nice wrap-up. i like the quotes under the pictures.
Comment by rob — April 26, 2007 @ 4:02 pm
No, there is nothing “nice” about this wrap-up. Just the usual hostility.
Comment by cattyone — April 26, 2007 @ 4:29 pm
cattyone have u read the other sites out there like tvgasm cuz they’re way meaner than this one.
Comment by Markito — April 26, 2007 @ 4:51 pm
I agree, this blog is WAY milder than the other blogs out there on Real World. Go complain to someone who cares.
Comment by YOU — April 27, 2007 @ 8:24 am
Did Colie leave the climb? I missed tht part. Hey, she should have made a “sick couch” in her tent with a sleeping bag.
Did we ever determine how Colie got mono, from making out with random girls and guys? I don’t feel bad for her either, but with all the laying around she does I thought she’d be better rested.
Comment by Anonymous — April 27, 2007 @ 8:45 am
why has no one mentioned colie pooping in an envelope?!?!?!
Comment by efk2020 — April 27, 2007 @ 1:00 pm
ok… now that i’ve stopped laughing so hard i have to ask efk2020 what (s)he is talking about. when in god’s name did they show that?
Comment by Markito — April 27, 2007 @ 1:20 pm
Ok, I saw the envelope thing with Colie, was it really poop? Ewww! If that’s the case Colie is one big skanky loser. Why not pull over so she can do her business.
Even dogs have more class than her. Did she mail that envelope to her parents?!!!
Comment by Anonymous — April 30, 2007 @ 4:53 am
Colie did crap in an envelope!! Her housemates should have shoved her out of the suv on the side of the road. Nice example for the Katrina youths who we know are watching. Colie is no role model, take her and that stupid sloppy cupcake bun she calls hair and send her back to her parents or better yet she needs charm school! EWWWWWW!!!!!! She’s a nasty animal! Maybe she can perform this envelope trick at the circus as a side show!!!!!!!!!!! Colie is a jerk!
Comment by Anonymous — April 30, 2007 @ 5:00 am
on the s*** they should’ve shown
Comment by shuler — April 30, 2007 @ 6:37 am
I can see why Brooke was scared to climb down the side of those rocks. I would not have been able to do it at all. I also saw Colie crap in the envelope! She is one low class chick! That is just really nasty! Did you see the expressions of Davis and Brook’s face while Colie was doing this? Totally discusting. Next car trip she better get fitted for pampers.
Comment by Anonymous — April 30, 2007 @ 7:56 am
Ya know I thought I saw that, but had to think otherwise when I didn’t see it posted here initially. Thanks for making me watch it TWICE. Oh, the horror!
Comment by TooEmbarassedToSay — April 30, 2007 @ 1:04 pm
I thought she peed in an envelope?
Comment by Bon Jour Pee Wee — April 30, 2007 @ 1:51 pm
actually, i think that colie pooping in the envelope is kind of hot. but even if you don’t consider it hot, it looked like they all were getting a kick out of it; it’s simply toilet humor
Comment by frank — April 30, 2007 @ 2:53 pm
it’s frickin’ nasty, and so are you for thinking it’s hot. what’s wrong with you?
Comment by rob — April 30, 2007 @ 3:01 pm
Crapping in an envelope is not hot!! And if you remember Davis told Colie it was starting to smell bad. This is not toilet humor my friend, it’s just down right low class nasty behavior. Oh Yeah then Colie is wiping off the seat and laughing. I think I hate her more than anyone in the house. I’m sure her pals did not think it was that funny. They seemed to be very surprized she was actually doing this in the vehicle. Why not stop to go?
Comment by Anonymous — May 1, 2007 @ 7:17 am
Frank have you lost your mind? Colie is a dirty slob!! Why would you think that is hot? What’s wrong with you man???!!
Comment by Anonymous — May 1, 2007 @ 7:20 am
I am totally sick of Colie. Did anyone see the previews for the next episode? She’s making out with lots of guys, sleeps with Alex and had to leave the mountain because her mono came back. Has she no shame? Looks like the mono will infect the rest of her prey for sure. Loser with a capital L!!!! What do ya think her Mom thinks of her fine college educated daughter behaving like trailor trash?
Comment by Anonymous — May 1, 2007 @ 7:25 am
Now, now people..to each his/her own…
Comment by shuler — May 1, 2007 @ 2:52 pm
Okay, I’ve come to my senses. I remember now how much Colie used to annoy me with her slutty behavior. One week she’s screwing Alex and the next week she’s going out with that Outward Bound guy (now what was his name again?). Now with next week’s preview and her making out with every guy at that bar. And to top it all off she’s gonna screw Alex again too. What a slutty piece of trash. Who gets mononucleosis these days anyway. But no matter what you say about her, you must admit pooping in an envelope was out of the ordinary wasn’t it.
Comment by frank — May 1, 2007 @ 5:03 pm
If Colie’s a slut, what are the guys she hooks up with?
Comment by Anonymous — May 1, 2007 @ 8:16 pm
Kinda like Brooke wiping herself in the middle of camp. They are all nuts!
Comment by Lyle — May 1, 2007 @ 8:42 pm
Hey Frank you made a comment that when Colie pooped in the envelope it was out of the ordinary. Seriously she should have had Davis stop somewhere. It wasn’t like she had food poisoning or was deathly ill. She probably was drunk and thought it was funny. It was idiotic, stupid, and a low class thing to do. You seem like you may have some weird fetish going on. If that’s the case find another site to go on.
Comment by Anonymous — May 2, 2007 @ 6:04 am
What does John Wenzel think about this nasty act performed by Colie? Any comment? Colie is a stupid rag-a-muffin
who has no class at all. MTV shoud have thrown her off the cast for doing this. Better yet, send her to another show called Flavor of Love. I hear they crap out in the open on this show. To Colie that may seem like a class act.
Comment by Anonymous — May 2, 2007 @ 6:09 am
I think it’s pretty nasty, to tell you the truth. It’s also more than a little self-indulgent. I think if someone were to do it around her she’d get pissed, but if she does it it’s OK.
Comment by John Wenzel — May 2, 2007 @ 8:14 am
Time for some facts.
1. Davis could not pull over to the side of the road..it was a mountain.
2.None of the “roomates” freaked out..so there is more to the story. They were on there way back from Outward Bound. There were no bathrooms.
3. IBS….a severe case of it
Comment by Anonymous — May 2, 2007 @ 1:57 pm
It’s official!- after seeing this episode I am in love with Chris. CHRIS! Are you out there? Are you reading this?
*The following letter is meant for Chris’s eyes only*
Dear Chris,
I’m pretty sure we are meant to be… don’t be scared off by the “I love you” thing … I mean, it’s totally true but you shouldn’t be scared by it. Instead of fear you should feel a warm fuzzy in your heart. Have you ever hugged a care bear while petting a pony? That is the kind of love our union could bring to the world. What do you think? I know you don’t know me but I have measured what I noticed to be your best qualities (1. colorado mtn man, 2. so patient not even the most annoying woman in the world [Brooke] caused you to lose your cool, 3. so kind [and strong] you carried a little girl off the mtn in a backpack! 4. did I mention resourceful? 5. so hot you probably don’t even realize how hot you actually are) against my own best qualities (1. a love of CO mtn men 2. I would have drop kicked Brooke, 3. my love of kind [strong] men… blah, blah) and I think we are the perfect match. Chris, we could save the world with our love! How could YOU of all people say no to that?! Let’s go camping! (and when I say “camping” I mean get married).
Affectionately Yours,
Rakiki
*If anyone knows Chris please put this letter in his locker for me!*
Comment by Rikiki — May 2, 2007 @ 4:21 pm
I think the show just reflects what alot of 16-24 year olds (some even younger or older which is even more pathetic) are doing these days. In the girls cases: being super slutty because they’re looking for acceptance, love, attention, etc., etc. through lots of sex with random guys.
Comment by Anonymous — May 2, 2007 @ 4:38 pm