The girls attempt to set fire to Colie, unsuccessfully.

– I’ll be at the Morrissey show at the Fillmore tonight when “The Real World: Denver” airs at its regular time, so here’s a liveblog of this week’s episode from MTV’s Afternoon Sneak:

2:30: Flashbacks from the previous episode include Colie talking about her, er, Clinton-esque experience with Alex, the roommates learning of their cast vacation to Thailand and Brooke, predictably, complaining about how potentially scary it will be. Because for her, every opportunity is a drawback.

2:31: The roommates arrive in Thailand and board a bus where Brooke complains, again, about how long they’ve been traveling. “Three days,” she whines, before everyone corrects her: “Two days.” These are minor quibbles for someone who will cry repeatedly in the coming minutes…

2:32: The roommates get to their hotel and pick their rooms, Brooke deciding to call her mom. Apparently she’s never been out of the country in her life. Don’t worry, they have ridiculously overpriced makeup and shoes there too.

2:33: “I just wanna stay safe,” she says, “That’s all.â€? Cut to Colie and Davis posing with what looks like a giant python around their necks, screaming.

2:34: Stephen and Jenn sit on the side of a small boat, taking pictures of each other as they coast through a crowded waterway market, the other roommates passing them in the opposite direction. Stephen and Jenn actually seem to be getting along, too, and Jenn says she likes it. This obvious set-up for some drunken sex only means that Stephen will soon have all of Jenn’s rare STDs.

2:35: The roommates leave Bangkok and head for the tropical island of Ko Phangan, home of The Full Moon Party. Brooke finally seems to be liking it when they reach their new hotel, a beautiful beachfront property.

Colie weeps bitterly as the snake rejects her sexual advances.

2:36: As the girls take a dip in the pool, Alex gets hardnosed about his distaste for Colie. “Everything about Colie, I’d rather she just cover it up. I can’t take it anymore,â€? he says. Dude, you’re reading our minds. Stephen and Davis watch as Jenn jumps topless into the pool. Stephen points out what a nice rack she has. Don’t worry my friend, all you need to do is get within ten feet of Jenn and you guys will be boning.

2:37: Davis and Brooke walk through the surf as Brooke becomes concerned about getting stung by a jellyfish. Of course, when something “happens” Davis has to carry her back to shore in his arms.

2:40: “Brooke, I think, has cursed herself,” Jenn says. “I don’t really know what’s going on with that girl.” The other roommates see Davis carrying Brooke to shore and start mocking them.

2:41: After awhile they head down to the beach to see if she’s OK. No one can even see the mark on her foot where the jellyfish apparently stung her. Brooke wants Alex to pee on her foot because she heard it was good for the pain.

2:42: “Everyone wants a chance to step up and pee on Brooke,â€? says Davis, uttering perhaps the best line of the season. It says a lot about everyone’s lack of love for this southern-fried drama queen. Little does Brooke know that peeing on a jellyfish wound does, oh… jack squat.

To Brooke’s parents: Aren’t you proud of her?

2:43: Not much later they’re back at it, hanging around, and in, the pool. Brooke notices Stephen and Jenn’s quickly intensifying flirtation. Colie and Alex then get into it about how rude Colie is to one of the hotel employees. After Alex leaves, Brooke tells her to forget about him and Colie agrees. Shouldn’t be too hard once she gets wasted in T-minus 4, 3, 2, 1…

2:44: That night they hit a beach party with a bunch of rich tourists. I see they did about as much locally-specific stuff in Thailand as they did in Denver, which is to say, none.

2:45: Colie, hilariously wasted, hits on a group of six Australian dudes at The Full Moon Party. It’s not long before she starts making out with one of them, then goes back to her room and hooks up with the dude while Brooke and Jenn sit outside, annoyed. You know when Brooke calls something “gross and sadâ€? it’s really, really bad.

2:46: The next day Colie talks about how “awesome” the Australian guys were. Alex makes a snide remark about how everyone could hear how much fun she had, too. Colie shoots him one of her friendly “I hope your face melts off” glares.

2:52: Post-commercial and more fun on the beach as the roommates swing on a long rope into the ocean. Davis says he’s excited to go snorkeling with the roommates and Brooke says she’s nervous. “You’re nervous about everything,â€? Davis says. No shizz. “I’ve been like that since I was a little girl. That’s just been me,â€? Brooke says. That, and you’re an attention whore.

“You’re totally (burp) like hot and stuff (burp). Do you wanna go back to like, my hotel and (pukey burp) have some sex?”

2:53: The roommates jump off their snorkeling boat into the clear blue water as Brooke inches her way down like an old lady, asking the tour guide if there are any sharks in the water. He dignifies the remark with a firm “no.” Brooke waxes philosophical about facing her fears and doing great things in her life, like dunking her head underwater for two seconds to look at fish. What a stretch.

2:54: It’s probably a good thing this season is ending because I can’t stand another episode about Brooke’s fragile ways. Colie gets pretty drunk on the boat ride back, becoming obnoxious and falling off their little golf cart on their way to ride elephants. Everyone seems annoyed, which is already a good way of describing how ungrateful they seem for the whole experience.

2:55: After the elephant ride they stop by a rocky stream, Colie accidentally dropping her backpack. She goes to get it and drunkenly falls down a slick rock. Alex takes the opportunity to make fun of her, then Brooke slips and lands on her butt, ripping the back of her bikini bottoms. “It’s more pain than I’ve ever felt in my life,” she says. “I feel like I’m going to vomit from how severe the pain is.”

2:56: Don’t let this woman ever have children, for a variety of reasons. Colie feels overshadowed by the drama Brooke’s making out of her fall (apparently Colie’s was so much worse because her foot bled or something). Alex again realizes how intensely he dislikes her — a theme of the episode.

Unfortunately, all of the wishing in the world won’t make Brooke drown, but we can still try.

2:57: Back in the little golf cart Alex and Colie spar, which is pointless since Alex is far less drunk (if at all) and doesn’t seem to give a sh** what Colie thinks. Tyrie (way to make an appearance!) says he just likes to sit back and watch the drama. Just like us, my friend, except he gets to do it in Thailand.

2:58: For their last night in Ko Phangan they head back to the beach and party like banshees, crazy dancing in their usual cheesy club way. Jared, the Australian guy, is hanging out with Colie again, who’s totally/predictably wasted. They leave and get it on. People dash over bonfires and under flaming limbo poles, drunk. Think you can spot any of them here?

2:59: Drunk, sunburt, smoking and carrying beers through the streets, Jenn and Brooke head back to their hotel complaining about Colie’s behavior, and how annoyed they’re going to be if she’s back there doing it with a dude again. She is, and they just walk right in.

3:00: The next day they’re getting ready to leave, talking about how it’ll be sad when they get back and only have a week left. Colie, hungover as sin, joins them at breakfast as Jenn is complaining about her slutty drunkenness. Apparently it was an interesting night: Tyrie almost got into a fight with a Thai dude, too. “If Thailand was our last hurrah, then we definitely accomplished what we set out to do,â€? Stephen says. Ah yes, when you have low, crappy goals, it’s easy to meet them.

– We end the episode with Brooke puking into a plastic bag from seasickness. More class! Previews of next week’s season finale show Jenn and Stephen appearing to hook up, Davis having another sexual identity crisis and everyone feeling sad it’s over. How about you? Are you going to miss this season?